The Official Power Rankings of Memorial Day Weekend Activities

Memorial Day Weekend is the Opening Day of summer behavior. It’s three glorious days of pretending calories don’t count, SPF 4 is enough protection, and “one last drink” is a medically recognized phrase. But not all Memorial Day activities are created equal, so here’s the official ranking of the best ways to spend the long weekend.

5. The Backyard Cookout

A classic. Nothing screams America louder than a dad in white New Balances holding barbecue tongs like they’re weapons. There’s always one guy who suddenly becomes a meat scientist explaining burger temperatures while everyone else just wants another beer and a hot dog.

4. The Lake Day

The lake is undefeated. Sun, music, floating around doing absolutely nothing productive — it’s beautiful. The only downside is someone’s friend always owns a boat but drives it like they’re escaping the Coast Guard in an action movie.

3. The Bar Crawl That Was Supposed To Be Casual

You start with “just a few afternoon drinks” and suddenly it’s midnight, someone lost sunglasses they swore were “designer,” and your group has adopted strangers into the friend circle.

2. The Do Absolutely Nothing Weekend

Sneaky elite option. Couch. Sports. Delivery food. Zero obligations. Honestly, a perfect Memorial Day move if your social battery is hanging on by a thread.

1. The Mixed Bag Weekend

This is the champion. One cookout, one reckless night out, one lazy recovery day. Balance. Chaos. Freedom. That’s Memorial Day Weekend at its finest.

God bless long weekends and questionable decisions.