Corporate Happy Hours & Holiday Parties: Do’s & Don’t

Welp, we’re back again. It’s that time of year when your company is window-shopping for venues and catering—AKA trying to “show their appreciation” by slapping a corporate Band-Aid on a Texas-sized bullet hole.

You should absolutely attend these happy hours and holiday parties, even if they’re not your ideal flavor of social anxiety. They make for a surprisingly good date night (most are plus-one friendly), and you get to see your coworkers outside the fluorescent haze of the office.

I’ve been to many of these events, and they never cease to amaze me—mainly because something about “outside the office + free alcohol” temporarily erases people’s sense of judgment, volume control, and understanding of what constitutes a reasonable topic of conversation.

So, in the off chance you find yourself at an open bar with the same people you spend 40 hours a week with, here are some Do’s and Don’ts:

Do:

Definitely talk about polarizing topics.

Suggestions include—but are absolutely not limited to—Trump, ICE, Mambani, global warming, gender identity, Israel–Palestine, Jeffrey Epstein, and your direct supervisor’s leadership skills. (These are jokes. Please, for the love of HR, do not do this).

Don’t:

Talk about work.

Nobody wants to “circle back” or “touch base” at a holiday party. If you find yourself explaining your Q4 pipeline strategy, go home. If you’re quiet/socially awkward and grew up playing video games instead of touching grass, odds are this is your default setting—just… try your best.

Do:

Moderate your alcohol intake.

This should go without saying—but unfortunately it cannot. In the beginning, yes, watch your drink count. BUT only until a certain point. Meet the plus-ones you need to meet, wait for the awards to be announced, then hit the bar like it’s a competitive sport.

Don’t:

Vent. About anything.

Your frustrations, beefs, existential dread, and personal grudges can stay home for the night. This is not your moment for a TED Talk.

Do:

Talk about yourself.

Because everyone definitely wants to hear only about you.(Again—totally kidding. Please maintain basic human social norms.)

Enjoy yourself. Don’t get fired.